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| Wednesday, 13-Feb-2008 22:00 |
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HE
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i was sad,
and he was worried.
i was weak,
and i know he was trying to be strong.
i kept my mouth shut,
he kept silence enough,
i turned my head away,
and he didn't even looked.
i cried in the kitch every night
and he never did noticed..
but today..
he brought me flowers..
and bring back my sunshine to me.. 
p/s:he never really find a way of expressing his feelings before..but i guess he finally did.
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| Friday, 8-Feb-2008 15:15 |
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so fell winter's snow..
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it snows heavily again on 2nd Feb.i hope that was a sign that winter's coming to the end. "the wet grey gloomy cold winter".I am looking forward for spring, for sun, and for warmth.Even for strength, for smile, for a good start within me. my heart glitters a bit on the growth of some small blooming flowers..
so fell winter snow..
fell with the long grey goodbye..
please bring back my sunshine to me..
these pics were taken in front of our dracula mansion early in the morning, lepas subuh..mizi went to play with some snow..i was a bit tired though, but pity him alone in the snow so i put on some strength to join him in...and that red car..itu lah ketenye kaksue..
well..honda accord(1995)+honda civic(1996)=fiat uno(1992)..mmm..nak buat camne..kami cuma perantau..pendatang ber izin..ini je yg mampu..
p/s: i really want to taste laksa, ayaq nyiuq, rojak buah, bihun sup, cendul pulut..really really really do..  ..and i am still thinking of extending my PhDs.
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| Monday, 28-Jan-2008 22:15 |
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updated
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lboro's town centre
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today its been two weeks since i didnt havent the courage yet to go and start my research in the office.i am way too tired to get up, plus my "loya&muntah" period havent pass yet..and it comes at any time. My reseach workstation is within a big office, and about 20 researchers are there, and im the only lady..so, being sick and always vomiting wont be a good idea of being there, since i'm afraid i would cause inconvenience to the other collegues in the room. My husband's workstation is upstairs, and pity him, he also didnt go to the office..not wanting me to be alone in the house. but its a release since i can see him working on the desk in our room .
Actually..its a bit frustrating and depressing for me..not doing anything..i'm depressed thinking (i)i would not finish my PhD this way; (ii)i'm burdening Mz n he can't do his PhD as well (iii)i'm not eating well n the baby cant develop well..
i did think about giving up and go back to malaysia, and do my PhD there, whenever i'm ok again..but then again, i'm thinking about my dearie father who really wants to see one of his kids having PhD since he did not have the chance to do his..
so..the battle must go on..takpe..anak tu rezeki..mesti ade rezeki datang sekali dgn kepayahan ni..just keep on praying..dan duhai anak, tolonglah ringankan kepayahan ibu ye.
i remembered saying to mizi, "syg,boleh tak ta balik mesia..buat Phd kat sana..syg buatla kat sini sampai habis..ta tak kisah," n i cant forget the way he looked at me in blinking eyes.he answered, its ok for me to quit PhD but just stay here with him.But if i stay here doing nothing,ayah would be frustrated, i told him.
But thinking back..i was the one asking him to come here with me. N there were times back then, when he didnt get the permission for unpaid leave, he was willing to sacrifice his job.Times when he was not confident coming here doing PhD i told him, "Kalau org lain boleh buat, takde alasan kita tak boleh..Tuhan mesti tolong punye kalau niat kita betul.."but now im the one who cant hold on. so,i try to promise myself now on, nak kuatkan sikit semangat..at least try n read a paper a day..tonite mz go to the office to print out some papers for me to read..n me..mumbling here while waiting for him.
here's some pics of us when he drove me to loughborough to meet his good friend.the wife just arrive from mesia n i ordered some hacks sweet for my kelat mouth. the envirnment n weather there is much2 better from here..u can see a sincere sunlight..n a lot warmer..just like soton..in leeds, it rains almost all the time, and the sun is not sincere enuf to give some warm feeling .
ps:kaksue, sorry tak ambil lg gambar kerete cabuk warna merah tu..selalu lupa..lagipun cabuk sgt..malu bg pihak kereta nak ambil gambar pun..hehehhe 
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| Wednesday, 16-Jan-2008 19:51 |
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kenangan itu..
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semakin kucuba melupakan..
semakin dekat kenangan itu menghampiri..
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I’ll find my way through night and day
’cause I know I just can’t stay here in heaven...
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please...begging please
Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven...
| Quote: | | payahnya menyelamatkan sebuah perhubungan bila di dalamnya ada kisah silam yg menyakitkan.. |
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| Thursday, 10-Jan-2008 23:10 |
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hadapi dengan senyuman
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mlm ni mizi gi bacaan yasin di rumah seseorang sempena Maal Hijrah. tertinggal keseorangan, aku terfikir tentang kehidupan dulu dan kini. Tentang Hijrah.memang rasanya nak lari balik malaysia saja tiap hari. tetapi rasionalnya, hijrah aku ni cuma kecik saja dibandingkan dengan Hijrah zaman Rasul dan sahabat..juga hijrah2 umat2 yg lain. Cuma, hijrah aku ni, aku yakin Tuhan sebenarnya nak bagi kehidupan yang aku kehendakkan sebelum ni, hidup dgn mizi tanpa gangguan luar yang selama ini membelenggu kisah kami. Hijrah dr org2 yg sepatutnya menyayangi aku, tapi membenci aku. Teringat aku, kali terakhir aku berjumpa di airport sebelum berlepas ke sini, aku hulurkan salam tangan, tak bersambut, aku hulurkan buah tangan yg aku bawakan dr terengganu, juga tak bersambut. Betapa hibanya rasa hati.Langsung tak dipandang muka aku. Aku tahan air mata, aku takut kesedihan aku disedari ahli keluargaku yg lain.
Tak apalah, bukan sehari dua begini. Sudah lebih dua tahun berlalu. inilah layanan yang kuterima. Aku redha. Mungkin satu hari mereka lebih memahami aku. aku tahu mz banyak cuba memujuk hati aku. tapi, terkilannya hati jangan cakaplah. rasa berpatah arang pun ada. insyaAllah, dr kejauhan ini, walaupun payah aku akan cuba hadapi semua dugaan yg mendatang dengan senyuman dan redha.kerana mungkin di sini tempat terbaik buat diri kami berdua membina keluarga.InsyaAllah.
Hadapi Dengan Senyum - Dewa
hadapi dengan senyuman
semua yang terjadi biar terjadi
hadapi dengan tenang jiwa
semua kan baik-baik saja
bila ketetapan Tuhan
sudah ditetapkan, tetaplah sudah
tak ada yang bisa merubah
dan takkan bisa berubah
relakanlah saja ini
bahwa semua yang terbaik
terbaik untuk kita semua
menyerahlah untuk menang
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| Saturday, 5-Jan-2008 14:57 |
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MULANYA DI SINI
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Tibanya di sini
Bagai terulang lagi
Kisah yang indah
Di antara kita berdua
Sehingga di sini
Tiada berpaling lagi
Kita berteman
Seiring jalan dan sehaluan
Sama sama menjejak mimpi
Sama sama mencari dan menanti
Segalanya direstui cinta sejati
Sama sama gunung didaki
Sama sama turun ke lembah sepi
Suka duka bersama dirasai
Mulanya di sini
Ku kenali dirimu
Sehingga kini
Sehingga ke akhir waktu
Akhirnya di sini
Ku kenali hatimu
Sehingga kini
Kita akan terus berlalu
Sama sama menjejak mimpi
Sama sama mencari dan menanti
Segalanya direstui cinta sejati
Sama sama gunung didaki
Sama sama turun ke lembah sepi
Suka duka bersama dirasai
Di hadapan kita ada jalan
Menuju di kejauhan ada sinar menanti
Di penghujung perjalanan ini
Oh... sambil bernyanyi
Mendendang senandung yang syahdu
Riangnya hati dan indah duniaku
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| Friday, 4-Jan-2008 17:01 |
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pictures
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i dont know why its been a few days i've been trying to upload some pictures but it doesn't work...no pictures here..i dont know until when..but i'll try each day. i met my supervisor for the first time today. he seems nice, but i am quite inferior with my own abilities. i dont feel confident at all.Ya Allah, bglah kekuatan. no snow for today. a bit warmer so i manage to walk conveniently to the uni . alrite guess thats all for today, need to help mz in the kitchen.
"didn't they tell you the best things are free?"
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| Thursday, 3-Jan-2008 16:53 |
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new diary 2008
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my azam this new year is..
..becoming a good PhD student
..a better wife
..and a wonderful mum..
Hopefully Allah tunaikan.
today it snows here in Leeds. i can see how happy mizi is. i am happy too, but i missed home badly. the cold whitely colors of the snow showering on our palms, our heads..still could not compare to my cold white heart about this whole place.my spirit is still not here..with my bad health condition, everything has to be done by mz. and i hate making he do things for me. i sleep at 6pm everyday and i wake up at 6 in the morning. a whole 12 hours of sleeping. i must be crazy spending my life like this. i hope things would change quickly. and i can adapt to my new home quickly. however, watching the pouring snow out through my bedroom windows, deep in me i worship the greatness of Allah. How in 0 degrees water turning to thin beautiful ice falling from the sky.in my prayers, i hope He give me strength , he give mz strength and happiness here..though he need to spend most of his time taking care of me.i hope we both manage to complete our PhDs in time.Sweetheart, sorry that i burdened you too much.
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| Monday, 26-Nov-2007 05:21 |
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missing them
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| Friday, 9-Nov-2007 09:31 |
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MZ 31
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"i wondered how we can survive
this romance
but in the end if i'm with you,
i'll take the chance.."
Dear sweetheart,
happy birthday. sorry i haven't anything to give as a present. just know that you're loved more and more each day. may you're blessed for all the coming years.
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.hampa mai la honeybulan kat sini..kami bg stay free ja kat umah buruk kami nih..p/s:addla kami friendster.. 
kelakar laa knitaa nii...baiklah kami akn penuhii permintan knita nii i'allah 
sedih dengar citer....semoga kesedihan akan berlalu satu hari nanti 
